BDSM 101

Along the journey of learning more about female chastity play one of the factors that became very apparent is just how rare it is. To investigate ideas on why this may be and what grabs those actually into it, I thought a good idea to inquire with some actual female chastity girls.

There are a pile of theories on why female chastity play is substantially more rare than male chastity, but a starting point is that females typically just don't have the same hormonal drive and when sex is deprived for long periods of time they are more likely to shut down that need rather than creating a large buildup of desire as seen on the male side. Serious Bondage did a good article noting this on over at SERIOUS BONDAGE . A possible side effect is that the female in chastity eventually will start to feel unwanted or undesired when their sexuality is locked away. Another theory is the self inflicted wound of dominants looking to fantasy assuming female chastity can jump straight to long term periods. Rather than taking it slow to see what is possible and practical for the female submissive, the dominant wants to do months at a time thus scaring off females that originally had genuine chastity play interest. There is also the technical side where male devices can be smaller while females require a full belt for proper coverage or very tricky piercing / device combinations that require drastic physical and financial investment. Lately I like to use the example that if you wouldn't want to wear your favorite comfy underwear 24/7 for a month straight, why do you expect better from a metal chastity belt?

Since female chastity play doesn't work solely just because it is what the dominant wants, the hope is investigating motives with real chastity girls will bring some insight on possible connections. I have to say real because there is a sad abundance of those faking it on the internet to live out some sort of fantasy. I'm not necessarily surprised, but they ruin realistic expectations for those trying to play in real life. From my research so far, female chastity interest reasons are a bit more diverse than expected so reinforce the importance to connect with the person and not just the fetish.

Starting with a few girls I hope to keep adding more and as you can see the response style can vary to let each express in their own way.


 

Kitty Denied

http://kittydenied.tumblr.com/

 

My first exposure to the idea of female chastity belts was in school. I remember learning about the spanish inquisition, and all the torture devices and somehow chastity belts were lumped in with those. I remember being horrified and then going home and masturbating furiously to the idea of being locked up and not able to touch myself. I think the whole concept was to prevent women from being raped, but I immediately saw that it would also prevent the wearer from touching herself. I spent lots of time thinking up scenarios where I would need to be locked up - like maybe I was caught playing with myself, or maybe I was being punished in the stockade and needed spankings, but my holes needed protection from unsupervised use. Since then, historians have proven that female chastity belts never really existed, and were probably just an idea from some old pervert but it’s always been a super hot idea in my mind.

As I grew up and began exploring my submissive side the whole idea of me being denied pleasure remained a big part of what turns me on. I always liked the idea of my desires being ignored and the concept that what I want doesn't matter which results in me having to serve without any guarantee of pleasure in return.

Naturally I was drawn to the idea of orgasm control, but I had some unfortunate interactions with Doms that totally ruined the whole orgasm control scenario for me early on. They always seemed to expect me to refrain from cumming for far longer than is sexy for me. One Dom in particular would want me to go WEEKS at a time without cumming, and that’s a NIGHTMARE for me! Apparently I have an unusually strong sex drive for a girl because if left unsupervised I will cum a minimum of 3 times a day (and that’ a slow day for me, lol).

Since those Doms didn’t know when to stop just simple orgasm control felt extreme to me. I was super scared of adding a chastity belt to the mix so I abandoned the whole idea of chastity completely. I found myself hiding the more extreme things I’m interested in from my Dominants simply because I didn’t trust them to not go overboard with it and make it not fun. I had to put a pretty clear line in the sand about anyone wanting to control my life outside of being directly handled because they made me miserable.

I got lucky when I met Sir about 7 years ago because he opened up a whole new world for me. He managed to fix all the damage the old Doms did, and show me that he is sensible, fair and can be trusted to know when enough is enough. I’ve enjoyed watching our fetishes evolve and change as we’ve gotten more comfortable with each other what we both need.

Over the years as Sir took more control of me he clearly established that his needs come first -which has always been super hot to me. I’m a service oriented submissive and I love rituals and protocol. He has given me some specific rules (ref rules from blog) to make sure I remember my place and continue to please him and more recently this has evolved into something we call, “selfless service.”

The belt works well with this concept of selfless service because when I’m wearing it, it eliminates the possibility that I’m getting something in return for my service. I like the denial, the element of being ignored and the concept that what I want doesn't matter. Putting on the belt immediately makes me feel submissive, and ready to be useful. Having cold metal locked over my pussy emphasizes that there’s nothing in my pussy, making me feel extra ignored.

The belt makes me feel helpless and desperate to please Sir. I immediately want something in my mouth; which works out perfectly for what Sir uses me for. Being belted makes me squirmy and willing to do anything just to be able to get my mind off the fact that my own pleasure is no longer an option. All I can do is focus completely on Sir and silently hope for some pussy attention at some point.

When plugs are added it keeps me feeling slutty and reminded that life isn’t fair for sluts. This means a more eager suck for Sir- which is his desired result. If I’m left plugged and belted for long enough, I eventually become grateful for the plugs just to have have any stimulation at all… even if it’s definitely not enough to cum. Makes me feel soooo slutty that I'm so desperate to be fucked that I'm willing to have plugs in my pussy and ass as a compromise.. No other toy makes me feel that way.

Speaking of my ass, I love the combo shield and how it symbolizes that Sir can still enjoy fucking my ass, but I’m not going to get pleasure from it. Having an ass fucking as one of Sir’s options keeps me obedient and eager to please since i’m not a huge fan of anal.

So that basically sums up why I love chastity belts. They’re simply a sex toy we use to keep my focus and motivation where it should be: on pleasing Sir’s cock.

To be honest, Sir and I are just now experimenting with actual orgasm denial (beyond time being belted). This has been helping me to get tasks done that I have been putting off. For example: Sir gives task.. I think about it and get wet, then sneak a cum, take a nap and don’t do the task. Having to earn cums keeps me on track with tasks, which keeps Sir happy. It makes me feel more controlled and submissive and now when I get to cum it feels better than ever because I earned it.

I think that this fetish is somewhat rare, and misunderstood so people don’t really know where to start with it. I think this notion of 24/7 wear actually scares girls away from trying belts. I often see the logic of male chastity devices applied to female chastity belts and it drives me crazy. Since men can wear their devices 24/7 they think women should be able to be belted 24/7 as well. There are so many reasons why this is flawed logic and even counterproductive to getting girls to try belts, but to sum it up- men can wear their devices because it doesn’t wrap around the whole body. It’s smaller and fits much differently than a female chastity belt. I don’t want to get too far into this topic, but there are also mental and emotional aspects involved, as well as sex drive, hormones, and motivation for wearing the belt. For example, a male may enjoy the degradation of their “tiny cock nobody wants,” but a female may be motivated to wear her belt because she is her Dom’s possession and feels valued and protected. If he locks her up and never takes the belt off to fuck her, she may feel rejected and in the long run this is going to be a bad thing. Additionally, for females very long term belt wear could affect sex drive. Meaning, if she’s belted too long there may be a point where she stops wanting sex at all. Nobody wins in that scenario.


 

Belted Pet

(Done interview question style)

   


What makes female chastity interesting to you?

A lot of my sexuality comes down to submission/dominance. I don't think I have a dominant bone in my body. I like the feeling of being controlled. There's a feeling of both safety, and sexual gratification (or the lack thereof) involved there. I like the feeling that my partner is in control in either sexual play, or daily life. Chastity is just another element to me of being part of someone else's life, rather than having my own decisions. It's their way of saying to me that my sexuality is for their use. I'm not interested in the perspective of 'anti-cheating'. As far as I'm concerned it's 'anti-touching'. My body is theirs to touch, not mine.

When did you first get interested in the idea for chastity for yourself, and then for others?

I browsed a lot of BDSM stuff when I was younger. I loved bondage more than anything. Chastity was just a part of a few scenes I saw. It didn't click at first, but by the time I was 16 I delved into that rabbit hole and it became a thing for me. For others? I don't care. I have no interest in others in chastity. The idea of having a girlfriend who is in the same situation makes me feel less alone, and it seems like a good relationship with a controlling dom if he has multiple submissives. But male chastity is a no go, only because male submissiveness is even more of a turn off than CSPAN.

What aspects of chastity grabbed your interest in the beginning and has that changed?

I think I mostly covered this above. I can imagine it was more paraphilic in the past. It's not just the bondage. For example, metal handcuffs are more hot to me than leather handcuffs. No more that they're both as restrictive, they have separate connotations. One being more sexual, the other being more institutional. That is why I prefer metal bondage overall. But over time it's become less about the belt, and more about the implications of the belt.

Any thoughts on why some people like both chastity and ABDL concepts?

Kink has a lot of crossovers. ABDL is about dominance and submission in many ways. I was more interested in ABDL from a much younger age, but at the same time, I was very aware that diapers existed, given that I wore them as a child. I didn't know that chastity belts existed until I was much older. I would consider paraphilia to be part of this. The idea of sexualizing objects, especially those that relate to genital usage. Going away from the more psychy answer though, for me they're both hot ways of being demoralized, and controlled.

What chastity questions are you tired of getting asked?

"Do you wear 24/7? Who holds your key? I have a female sub, what do you suggest for her? How do you pee? How do you poop? How do you deal with periods?" A lot of these questions are sensible, but context is key. The context most of these questions are asked in is "I'm a single male and I want to know more details about you so I can get off to them". I have no interest in satiating that, and you're not the first, or one of even a few people to ask them.

Have advice for others just getting into female chastity?

If you're a keyholder for a woman, be reasonable. Don't set unrealistic explanations. But using chastity to assert your dominance is an incredible way to play. Locking the belt on and leaving it there is pretty boring. Make her do chores. Fuck her in new ways. Leaving it on should only be as an extension of play, 'chastity sessions' alone are boring. If you're a woman who wants to try out chastity, I mean.. do it. Just don't set unrealistic expectations for yourself like 24/7 play or you're going to become disenfranchised to the whole experience and how much fun it can otherwise be.


 

Kratz Katz

https://kratz-katz.tumblr.com/


The first time I saw an actual chastity belt was a picture on Tumblr of a beautiful purple-haired model wearing a FancySteel belt. Seeing this pushed so many buttons for me. I remember immediately sending it to my partner and starting a conversation about chastity. Of course He'd already seen loads of chastity porn and wasn't as overwhelmed as I. I had heard about chastity belts from medieval times before but as naive as I was I never thought that something like this could really exist today.


I will get a little into my kinky desires and the dynamic with my partner now to explain why I love chastity play so much. So first of all: I am not particularly submissive. I have no real interest in serving a Dom or "doing as I'm told". But I have fantasized about abduction scenarios and being made someone's property since I was a young kid. I've always liked the aspect of fighting back and being tortured into submission. I want to be helpless and being left no choice whether or not to obey. So when I got into BDSM the first Doms I met expected me to obey their rules just because they said so and that sounded really boring to me. But when I acted out and disobeyed I was told that I am not a real sub. That hurt me a lot. But luckily I met my partner who loves my brattyness and forcing me into submission. He also established the rule that I wasn't to touch myself without His permission and He always reminded me of the terrible consequences breaking the rule would bring. That was better than what I've experienced with previous Doms.


When I learnt about chastity belts I immediately loved the idea that I wouldn't even have a chance to touch myself. I wouldn't CHOOSE to obey the rule but I simply had to. And this idea is super hot to me! It fits perfectly into our Captor/captive dynamic. This is basically the main thing I love about chastity belts. I also have a huge fetish for metal restraints so chastity belts fit perfectly into that as well. Another great aspect for me is, since I wear my chastity belt nearly 24/7, that I always feel I am my partners' property even if He is not physically with me at the time. I think a major misconception about female chastity play is that most people think it's the same as male chastity play.


I'm frequently asked things like "what's the longest you've gone without sex/orgasm" or "what's the longest you've been locked up" and I get really annoyed with these questions. It's important to me to emphasise that chastity play is NOT a competition! I know that particularly males tend to do these challenges to go a certain amount of time locked up. This concept doesn't appeal to me (and most other female chastity girls I've spoken to). I love the idea that my partner can use me whenever He wants and I get nothing out of it. I'm a living sex toy which is a dream coming true for me! If He chooses to use me three times a day, then so be it. If He doesn't want to use me for a week, then there's nothing I can do about it either. Chastity play makes me so desperate for sexual stimulation and willing to do the most humiliating or painful things simply to get an orgasm. I love when my partner makes fun of me for being such a desperate slut. Lastly, I'd like to say a few words on unrealistic standards set by the online community. Most of the people babbling about chastity play online don't have a clue about the reality of it. You don't have to go 24/7 with the chastity belt right away. I myself slowly adjusted from wearing it a few hours a day to only taking it off at night and now wearing it almost 24/7. Of course I take it off if my real life activities require it. In my mind, the most important thing is that all parties involved are having fun whether you wear the belt a few hours for a session or all the time.

 

Random Articles

IMAGE KINK - Cock Jock Silicone Splitter Review
Monday, 02 January 2017
Kink.com has been expanding their gear store offerings more and cool to see them doing some interesting collaborations. This particular cock-sling is... Read More...
IMAGE Fuze Tango Minx Enhanced Strap-on Combo
Wednesday, 12 October 2016
Although familiar with strap-on devices for a while now, it wasn't till semi recent times we decided to look into wearer insertable "strapless"... Read More...
IMAGE BDSM Communication
Tuesday, 05 January 2016
We communicate every day. With our baristas, the bus driver, our partner, our friend-- we communicate what we need and want, even if it’s just... Read More...
IMAGE BDSM Checklist
Tuesday, 05 January 2016
After scouring the net and generally not being satisfied with any checklists out there I took matters in my own hands to make one that would be an... Read More...
IMAGE NoxHyde Kitty / Wolf Ears
Friday, 11 December 2015
For kitty play fans there are a lot of kitty ears available on places like Etsy these days, but the craftsmanship of NoxHyde ears really sets them... Read More...
IMAGE MR-S Leather German Carpenter Pants
Tuesday, 05 January 2016
For my first pair of leather pants I splurged a bit to get these German Carpenter Pants mostly for the easy open crotch functionality. As a guy I... Read More...
IMAGE Tantra Chair Review
Wednesday, 07 September 2016
With our search for more unique and useful furniture the Tantra Chair has proven to be quite a delight inspiring new sexytime ideas and experiences! Read More...
IMAGE Saxon Dungeon Furniture - Custom Floor Platform
Thursday, 02 June 2016
 Back at the apartment we were pretty cramped on space trying to make our fairly tiny bedroom the biggest little dungeon playroom it could be. The... Read More...